[Note To Self]

I initially started this blog to document my journey through the Iron Yard, but while I meant to talk about learning how to code, I’ve ended up focusing more on the mental aspect.

I had a vague idea of what I was getting into.  My cousin is a programmer… he’d actually been through a similar program with one of the very same instructors that I have now!  That was actually one of the big reasons why I decided to pursue this.

Everyone said learning to code would be information heavy and I had no clue what I was in for!  I mean, I’ve had to think long and hard about my mental and physical well-being.  I don’t usually do breakfast, but I found out that I simply don’t function well in the morning without sustenance.  I now have a regular sleep schedule, mostly because my body won’t let me pull all nighters (If Mike ever reads this, I swear to God I’m not doing that anymore!!!).  Best of all, I’m able to stay awake through my class.  If you’ve known me a long time, you’ll know that’s practically a miracle.

But I said I had thoughts about not freaking out and then freaking out, right?  Okay…

Tuesday was rough.  The pair programming activity was rough.  The daily project was rough.  I scheduled a one-on-one meeting for Wednesday and I figured it would be rough, too.  Then we got the reading for the night AND EVERYTHING MADE GODDAMNED SENSE.  Mission accomplished, right?  What the hell am I going to do in tomorrow’s meeting?  Should I just schedule them for when I’m freaking out?

I figured that since I didn’t need to be talked off of the metaphorical ledge, I’d use my Wednesday meeting as a soundboard.  I kind of prefer to do my meetings at the end of the week, but hey… let’s mix it up?  Anyway, I had a good meeting… felt good and all, but then I got to my daily project.

SO MUCH DATA.  SO MUCH BRAIN HURT.

I spent an hour trying to assemble the data into something more palatable, and when that didn’t work… had a silent freak out for about 45 minutes.  I had no idea where to start.  I had no idea how to stop freaking out.  And I was pretty pissed off with myself because I had JUST TOLD my instructor that I was fine.  How the hell, right?   I know… and in hindsight, maybe I should have gone back to my instructor and said, “I know I said I’m fine, but now I’m not and I need help on getting my brain together.”  That didn’t happen.  I wasted a bunch of time getting lost in my head and although I did get back on track, wasted time is wasted time.

I have to get better at not internalizing things so much.  I have to get out of my head and maybe say to a classmate or an instructor, “I have no idea where to start this project. Can you help me?”  My classmates and I are all there to learn and my instructors are there to help, but they’re not mind readers!  I’m going to work harder at this, but it’ll probably take a while for me to do, you know?  So expect to see more of my thoughts on this subject.