[Note To Self]

Graduation season makes me feel ancient and sentimental. I was happy to get the whole high school thing over with, and I had a loose plan of what was to come next. I was going to start out in community college, then transfer to George Mason University. I was going to be a music education major with a secondary instrumental emphasis. After that, I was going to be a teacher in the very same DoDDS schools that I had attended myself.

I didn’t have a backup plan. I was laser-focused and inspired. I promised myself something, not really believing that I would get to that point.

I promised myself that if I didn’t have the enthusiasm for it, then I had no business being a teacher.

Things didn’t go according to my loose plan. Want to know the worst part? I didn’t have a backup plan. No one tells you to have one. Perhaps folks think that having one implies that the first plan will fail? I don’t think so. Sometimes shit doesn’t work out and you need to readjust. Readjusting is easier if you have a plan in mind.

My cousins and I were discussing the question: “What would you tell your 18 year old self?”

I wouldn’t tell 18 year old Shireen a damn thing. You must be wondering… why not? Why wouldn’t I tell her something that would make all of this easier? Why wouldn’t I help her change the future for me?

Because I wouldn’t exist. I am here because of all the lessons that she lived through. Especially the hard-learned ones. She stumbled… she failed… she got up… she kept going…

Do I want things to be easier? Of course! But the things that she lived through and experienced? I like to think that they made me better equipped to handle the hard times.